A Redemption Story

God is so faithful and kind.  The past couple of weeks have been a whirl-wind.  Getting married, going on a week-long vacation, and coming home to a very different (beautiful, fun, exciting, filled with laughter) life.  Now things have finally settled down enough to just sit in the presence of God and process what has happened.  And what came flowing onto my journal page (spoken to God) Monday morning was this:

"I'm reminded of my water baptism when I think of my wedding day.  I picked the place out of convenience mostly, but you had so much more for me.  You are so kind and you know what we need far better than we ever could.  At Center Lake I was dipped back in the water that I had swam as a kid.  The place where I had encountered you more than ever before.  I came up professing who you are—the past laid to rest.  You are so kind.  I didn't realize how much the place would touch me until walking through Vision and Commitment (a biblical foundations course through my church) and really meditating on it.  Thank you, Lord, that you mark places and times and people.  You have set aside where we need to be, when we need to be there, and you're even kind enough to call people out and change their name.  You give new purpose, new direction..."

And now a little back tracking...

When I was a baby, I was sprinkle baptized.  I am so thankful that from a very young age my parents wanted to teach me of the things of God and how much He loves me.  As I grew and heard God's voice for myself, I knew that I wanted to be baptized as a professing follower of Christ.  I just wasn't sure where, or when.  My beautiful friend at camp mentioned that she longed to be baptized in the water of Center Lake and I quickly said that I would join her.

It wasn't until a couple of years later that I realized just how significant the place and the time were.  God knows what we need far better than we ever could!

Fast forward to planning our wedding.  We planned quickly after getting engaged.  It felt like we had everything pretty well laid out within the first month of engagement.  And then: COVID.

We waited as long as we could, but right around when invitations should go out in May the governor extended the stay at home order and there was still no promise of a specific time that any number of people would be allowed to gather together.  We knew that it was time to make a decision.

Knowing that we would potentially be forced to reschedule if we went through a venue, I started to think of where we could have our wedding with an intimate group of people and be as flexible as we needed to be up until the very day we got married.  My grandparents' house came to mind as I thought of their beautiful lawn, front porch, fields and forests behind their house, and big garage/barn.  It seemed perfect.  Beautiful, convenient, and private.

We started planning.

It wasn't until the last few days before the wedding and after that I had revelation on how impactful the place and the time were.  God is so good.  He had a plan all along and He redeemed every change we had to make due to COVID.

Like most weddings, me and my girls spent the whole morning preparing for the wedding—and the guys spent time eating and playing games. :) When it was finally time to go to my grandparents' house, I was able to walk out their front door, across the beautiful front porch, and into the front lawn to tap on my groom's shoulder.  God was so kind to save such a faithful, steadfast, servant-hearted, fun man that looked at me like that.  

It wasn't until later that I remembered my grandpa bending down in that same spot, picking up an acorn cap, and teaching me how to whistle through it.

We decided to have our ceremony in front of a little apple tree in the back yard, with beautiful lawn leading up to it, and a climbing rose vine in the background.  My kind, faithful, hardworking, generous dad walked me down that aisle.  He has protected me, cared for me, rooted for me, and been there for me every day of my life.  He wouldn't hand me off to anyone unless he knew their character was unwavering.  Thank you, Jesus, for two men that stand in the breach for me.  Who love me with your love and believe in me more than just about anyone.

Our officiant and friend welcomed everyone and reminded Seth and me that it was in our pursuit of Jesus that He brought us to one another.  We were able to praise the Lord in worship for what He has done, right there in the middle of the backyard with some of our closest friends and family.  Seth and I took communion praising the Lord for the salvation that can only come from Him and that we are able to love because He first loved us.  And then right there, with the absolute best guy staring back at me, we committed ourselves to one another in a covenant with the Lord.  Husband and wife.  The two become one.  Praise God!  Thank you, Jesus!

Later in the week as I thought back on the beauty of the day, I remembered picking the currant bushes just to the right of our ceremony spot with my brother over and over again as kids.

As it was time to have the first dance with my guy, we walked into the barn.  "Dancing shoes" started playing and he twirled me around, exchanging looks, jokes, and laughter.  

Part of my childhood was spent rollerblading around that big garage/barn for hours in that very same spot.  

As Seth was dancing with his mother, I realized we hadn't grabbed anything to cut the cake and sent my mom on a quick, wild goose chase in the house.  She came back right on time and said to me with a twinkle in her eye, "Janie, look!"  She handed me the cake knife that had the names "Bill and Ann Beach" and the date"6/20/59" engraved on it.  It was the knife my grandparents used to cut their wedding cake 61 years ago, in the very pictures I had on display for all to see.  

 

The evening went on and it was time for us to go on our "golden hour" photo shoot.  We walked back to the start of beautiful trails and fields on the edge of my grandparents' property.  Seth and I smiled a lot, got swarmed by bugs, and walked hand in hand all over the property.  

I remembered cross country skiing those trails with my grandparents—fighting the whole time just to keep up with them. 

Just like that it was time to leave.  We got in the Ford Taurus I had bought from my grandparents and peeled out of the driveway they had come in and out of so often over their 58 years of marriage.  Serving others, one another, and fighting to be kingdom builders in any way that they could.

All of these little memories didn't add any more significance to the covenant that God was so faithful to seal between Seth, me and Him.  They didn't make it any more "real".  The truth was at the end of the day we would have been married and entered into it with the Creator of the universe whether we had changed places or not.  

But, God.  He gave such special little snap shots into the legacy of another long, happy, steadfast marriage.  He reminded me of where I came from and just as my best friend/mom said in the kindest wedding speech, He reminded me of His providence.  He is the redeeming God.  COVID has no share.  My God is greater!  He is so kind and faithful to bring beauty from ashes.  Life from death.  He is living and He is speaking.  He is for you.  Smack dab in the middle of wherever you find yourself.

It was already so miraculous that I got to marry my Forester—a guy that is almost too good to be true.  God added such sweet and tender moments to this day, because He could.  Because He loves me.  Because He knows me.  

I just believe He is speaking this verse to us:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:1-2

God was so faithful to remind me of the great cloud of witnesses surrounding us as Seth and I started to run this race together hand in hand.  He was kind enough to bring such a tender moment of remembering Him and what He did on the cross as we took communion.  I just believe that He wants this revelation for you too.  Whether you are experiencing it for the first time or need to be refreshed in that first love you once felt.  

He is the redeeming God and He is for you.

A Wrestle With Healthy Fear

"Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth!  I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us.  We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done." Psalm 78:1-4

Peering into the Grand Canyon all I could think about was the majesty of God.  As we showed up and started walking around the south rim, we saw a trail that started to descend down into the canyon.  We quickly came up with the plan to walk towards the trail and hike part of the way down into the canyon before we left for our next planned adventure of the day.  We walked for a good hour and half and still weren't even close to that trail.  When we started it looked like we might walk for half an hour or so and be able to start down into the canyon.  It was just so big.  You could see everything with amazing clarity--open skies led to a wide open canyon, but it just kept going--nothing was quite as close as it seemed.

You could see the physical layers of the rocks like stripes cascading horizontally all around, one on top of the other for miles.  Different colors and thicknesses, in my mind, marking different seasons and different stories.  What had happened to make that layer so red?  Why was that layer resembling the Sherwin Williams shade of "biscuit" (now up in our kitchen walls) so thick?  Why was there vegetation in that part of the canyon, but not the other?

I thought about the flood recorded in the Bible.  That there was enough water on the face of the earth to completely cover and carve this canyon and all the amazing, miraculous mountains we had seen that week leading into this moment at the grandest canyon of them all.

As Christians we know there is bad news to our remembering.  What brought the flood was sin.  God had righteous wrath and completely submerged the earth in water.  In His mercy he spoke to Noah about building an ark.  Just like in Psalm 78 it says "I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us."  It was in wrath that God covered the earth.  And it was righteous.  It should be a part of our remembering.  So much of the time we are afraid to speak truth because of how we perceive it might make people feel.  Looking out at that canyon, as vast and complex as the creation itself seemed, the message I heard from God was quite simple, but honestly one that I had to wrestle with to hear clearly.  The wrestling came with another word that I had heard from Him fairly recently.

A little over a month ago I had a vivid dream.  I rarely remember my dreams so when I do I pay attention.  I ask the Lord about them and see what He has to say.  This one went like this:

I was having a camp fire in the woods with a couple of other people.  One of them tried to start another fire close by, right under a massive pine tree--the tree caught.  The fire jumped up the whole tree in a matter of seconds and caught the neighboring tree it was touching--just like that there was a raging forest fire and we had to start running.  It was consuming everything in its midst.

And just like that I woke up.  At first I wasn't sure if it had to do with the enemy and the spread of coronavirus or what.  I just kept hearing "consuming fire".  I looked up passages when "consuming fire" has come up in scripture.

The thing is--it always talks about God's wrath.  I hope you hear my heart in this--I have been wrestling with understanding the fear of God and His righteous wrath against sin.  I want to hear God clearly as He speaks about it.  He always speaks truth, but He always speaks it in love.  He wants us to understand His anger so that we can fully understand His grace and mercy.  We are told:

"Take care, lest you forget the covenant of the Lord your God, which he made with you, and make a carved image, the form of anything that the Lord your God has forbidden you.  For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

'When you father children and children's children, and have grown old in the land, if you act corruptly by making a carved image in the form of anything, and by doing what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, so as to provoke him to anger, I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that you will soon utterly perish from the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.  You will not live long in it, but will be utterly destroyed.  And the Lord will scatter you among the peoples, and you will be left few in number among the nations where the Lord will derive you.  And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell.

But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.  When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice.  For the Lord your God is a merciful God.  He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.'"  Deuteronomy 4:23-31

This passage starts so heavy and a lot of the time we want to pass through the hard stuff to the "fluffier" stuff.  I just believe it's time for us to ask ourselves about how we fear the Lord and honestly to remember that He is a righteous and holy God.  When we understand the fear of the Lord we start to understand the weight of what He has done for us and it is such good, miraculous news.  Like we are told in Psalm 85:

"Lord, you were favorable to your land; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.  You forgave the iniquity of your people; you covered all their sin.  You withdrew all your wrath; you turned from your hot anger." vs. 1-3

His anger is righteous, but He forgives, He withdraws His wrath, and He turns from His hot anger.  He has covered all His children's sin, just like the water covered the earth.  Because He loves us!  It goes on to say:

"Restore us again, O God of our salvation, and put away your indignation toward us!  Will you be angry with us forever?  Will you prolong your anger to all generations?  Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?  Show us your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation." Vs. 4-7

Sometimes I think we forget how honest we can be with God.  Even about His anger and the deepest desires of our hearts.  More from this passage:

"Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints; but let them not turn back to folly.  Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, that glory may dwell in our land." Vs. 8-9

He will speak.  Are we seeking His voice?  It is a request in this passage--let me hear--
God, please, let us hear! 

There is even more good news in this passage:

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.  Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky.  Yes, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase.  Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way." vs. 10-13

When I looked out at the canyon I knew that God had something He wanted to say, but honestly it was something I had to wrestle with.  It's not that it was overly complex, because God is kind to keep it pretty simple for us.  I just want to hear Him clearly.  I want to express His heart about His anger, grace, and mercy in a way that honors and glorifies Him.  What I heard was this:

"You have to understand the full depravity of where you have been to understand my mercy and grace for you in this moment.  Each layer laid on the map of your life before you knew me was stained in sin.  I am jealous for you.  But it's the waters of my grace that can flow and change the topography of your life in a moment.  Lean into knowing me, experiencing me.  Don't rely on simply hearing from other people what I have to say, but press in to hear me for yourself.  I am speaking to you.  Each layer in your life doesn't need to plague your thoughts as sin anymore, but a reminder of the love I have for you and what I have done for you.  I love you.  I came for you.  I'm speaking to you.  I will never stop pursuing your heart, but you have got to press into knowing me for yourself.  I am worthy of your fear.  I am a jealous God.  It's when you repent, when my Son's blood has completely covered you and washed you clean, that I turn my hot anger from you.  This I promise to you.  My children fear me and through their healthy fear, understand my grace for them.  It is all because I love you."

It's ingrained in us from the time of childhood that fear is bad.  The time that you woke up with a racing heart from a nightmare or maybe when a sibling jumped out and scared you.  But the truth is this: fear of the Lord brings wisdom.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.  His praise endures forever!" Psalm 111:10

I just believe it's time that we don't skip past the heavy stuff to something that feels a little more palatable to us.  The Lord is a gracious and loving God, but He is worthy of our fear.  Our real fear.

Children should have a healthy fear of getting in trouble by their earthly Father.  The Lord has placed these men as head of the house and if a child does wrong it is okay that they are scared of the consequence that comes from disappointing their father.  That doesn't mean they don't still feel extreme love and grace come flowing from their father's heart.  Being intimate and having a relationship with your earthly father should hold a level of fear that we don't necessarily have with other people.  What a beautiful picture of what it means to have a relationship with the Lord.

Our heavenly Father is awesome.  He spoke the earth into creation.  He covered the earth in rain.  He is a consuming fire.  When we understand and actually start to feel fear of Him we have revelation on how mighty His love and forgiveness is.

The God who brought the rain is the same God we worship now.  He loves you more than you will ever be able to comprehend.  My question is simply this:

Do we, do I, fear Him in the way that He so deserves--in the way that He is so worthy of?

Easter Sunday Word

Worshiping the Lord this morning He brought to my mind the way that I have had to relentlessly pursue families from school in this season.  The goal is to hear from every family every week for the remainder of the school year.  It has been frustrating and hard.  Many messages, emails, phone calls, voicemails, and even letters have gone out and I still haven't heard from multiple families.  It's tiring and I start to ask why in the world I need to jump through so many hoops for these people who don't seem to care, and then I heard the voice of the Lord.

"I'm chasing after you, but you have to turn and look at me.  You have to stop running to what the world tells you is good and look at my face.

My resurrection power is not what the world tells you it should look like.  Its fierce and true, and its in my timing, in my way.  I've been chasing you.  I've been calling to you, but you have to turn.  Some of you think you're running with me, but you haven't stopped to look and see where I have taken you in this.  My child, running with me is looking at me.  Don't just yell my name and run forward without the direction of my face leading you. 

Repentance is part of the action I am calling you to.  Repenting is stopping, looking at me, and falling back into step with where I am taking you.  This is a season of repentance and a re-centering of your life on me.  I love you.  I want more for you than you could ever know or imagine--so stop the empty movement and just look at me.  There is direction for your life coming in a season where it feels like there is no direction at all.  I love you my child," says God.

There are families that contacted me before I ever had the chance to pursue them.  There are families that responded after one message from me, some after two, and so on.  Then there are the families that have yet to respond. 

I just believe that there are people in the church who immediately went to Jesus with everything in this season.  All of their fears, ambitions, all of their faith and hope, everything.  They immediately found that their whole heart was resting in Jesus and it propelled them forward in movement.  In serving.  In praying.  In battling through this season.

There are the people in the church who first were distracted by the noise of the world and then they heard the call of the Lord and they turned.  They re-centered and now they are faithfully looking to Jesus and following His steps forward.

But I believe there are still people--even within the church--that are running without the step of re-centering their eyes on Jesus.  They're moving and it might even seem "good".  They may be serving, and praying, and doing all the right things, but God is saying "Look at me in your serving.  Look at me in your praying.  Look at me in this season and fall into step with me."

He is the resurrecting God and I believe on this resurrection Sunday He is speaking clearly to His children.  He wants to be intimate with you this morning.  He wants to direct you forward, but it starts with actively stopping and turning to Him.

Remembering

With the school closures and "social distancing" I have spent a lot of time painting in my house.  A task that allows my mind to wander and a "pressing in" to happen.  As I slapped on thick white brush strokes around the doorways, the thought of the Passover struck me.  Of imagining what it was like to use those strokes of bright red to visually show a setting apart of your family from the world around you.  I thought about how God commanded His people that night to set themselves apart and then simply rest in that place. 

Once they had done that, it was God who performed miracles.  He was the one that set His people free from Egypt.  It wasn't in a way His children would have ever imagined--witnessing plague after plague first, but He did it.  He freed His people in power and showed the world that He is mightier than any plague that could ever spread through the earth.  We are told in Exodus 12:

"Tell all the congregation of Israel that on the tenth day of this month every man shall take a lamb according to their father's houses, a lamb for a household...Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male a year old...and you shall keep it until the fourteenth day of this month, when the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill their lambs at twilight.

Then they shall take some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses in which they eat it...

For I will pass through the land of Egypt that night, and I will strike all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both men and beast; and on all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgements: I am the Lord.  The blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you are.  And when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and no plague will befall you to destroy you, when I strike the land of Egypt."  Verses 3, 5a, 6-7, 12-13

As I put that white paint over my doorway I thought about the Israelites covering theirs in thick, red blood.  When God saw it--when He saw the blood of a sacrifice over each doorway--He passed over it.  He remembered His promise to His people and He kept it. 

And in that moment my heart flooded with a "remembering":

The blood that covers me?  That protects me and sets me apart?  You might not see it, but its there.  It's Jesus.  Jesus Christ came and shed His blood, poured out His heart, so that He could purify ours.  Those red strokes around the doors of our hearts turn white as snow.  He has made a promise to His children. 

The truth is, my heart was sin-soaked.  Black and dead, but He poured new life.  He transformed me from the inside out and He's still in the transforming business. 

Everything around us in this season feels so shaky--so uncertain.  The truth is when the Lord of lords and King of kinds stepped down from His thrown in heaven and walked this sin-stained world there was no uncertainty.  He had set it in His heart to face the cross for me.  For you.  Jesus Christ the unblemished lamb laid down His life as a sacrifice once for all.  As a setting apart for His children.  He covers us in His blood and eternal death passes over us.  We are all in need of a savior.  We are all in need of The Savior.  Let this be a season of remembering. 

"Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God.  Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.  We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat.  For the bodies of those animals whose blood is brought into the holy places by the high priest as a sacrifice for sin are burned outside the camp.  So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear reproach he endured.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.  Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.  Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." Hebrews 13: 7-16

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.   

All promises.  All declarations of truth.  Declarations of hope.  Let us press into what is true in this season.  And let us remember what is commanded of us--even through circumstances where we might not always "feel" like it: Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.  Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

After the first Passover in Egypt God commanded His people to continue to hold Passover--it became a holiday and a time of remembering what God had done to free His people.  In Exodus 12 we are told:

"You shall observe this rite as a statute for you and for your sons forever.  And when you come to the land that the Lord will give you, as he has promised, you shall keep this service.  And when your children say to you, 'What do you mean by this service?' you shall say, 'It is the sacrifice of the Lord's Passover, for he passed over the houses of the people of Israel in Egypt, when he struck the Egyptians but spared our houses.'  And the people bowed their heads and worshiped.  

Then the people of Israel went and did so; as the Lord had commanded Moses and Aaron, so they did." Verses 24-28

I just wonder what we are allowing to mark us in this season of social distancing.  This season of extreme health consciousness.  This season of realizing that we truly don't have control of what happens around us.  When future generations ask us about that time the world shut down from COVID-19 what will we tell them?  How will we mark all of the things God is surly doing around the world?  Will children remember this as a time their family unified or as a time of panic?  

I just believe with my whole heart that God is working in the midst of this.  That we will hear story after story of miracles.  

I believe that God wants to tell His children, "I have marked you.  You are set apart.  When I look at you I see the blood of The Lamb.  The blood of my Son poured out for you.  Hold fast to the truth that I am moving in this.  That I am near and I am speaking to you.  I want you to find rest.  To worship.  To help those that you can.  And to know that I am working."

God is so kind.  He is so faithful.  Press into Him in this season.  If you have never truly met Jesus, this could be the season you remember as the time Jesus brought your heart to life.  The time that you actually knew real hope for the first time.  Seek and you will find Him.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.  And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor (meaning trouble) a door of hope.  And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt." Hosea 2:14-15

I will...make the Valley of Trouble a door of hope.

These thick brush strokes of white paint over my door remind me that the Lord is turning this Valley of Trouble into a door of hope.  Hold fast to what He is reminding you of in this season.

True Strength

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

It's never been hard for me to confess to Christ that I'm weak.  It's always been easy to say to such a big Creator God that I fall short and that He is strong.  So then why have I recently walked through a season of caring whether people think I'm weak?  I know the truth.  I know in my heart that I am weak, but that in my weaknesses I am made strong in Him.  So why did I feel stuck in this pit?

And it was right in the middle of this wrestle with my weakness and His strength that He was so kind and faithful in bringing my heart back to life to the truth of His word.  He made His word vibrant in my heart again and broke the chains I had allowed to creep around me.

It started at church by someone talking about a scene from "Miracle"—which if you know me well, you know I am slightly obsessed with this movie about the 1980 US Olympic hockey team.  Immediately God got my attention and I found myself pressing in.  The word was about perseverance "again, and again, and again"—if you've seen the movie you know what scene I'm referring to.  And automatically I thought of the challenge of the circumstances I had allowed to plague my thoughts and I knew it was a call to persevere through the struggles, but how when I still felt so exhausted and honestly chained.  And then God spoke again through this scripture:

"On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses.  Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth.  But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me.  So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."  2 Corinthians 12:5-9

And in a moment I felt the relief of unwelcome, dense weight lift from me.  I felt free.  Because God spoke to me and said, "It's not that you just have the freedom to boast about your weaknesses to me, but to them.  Being a good steward of my strength is not having it 'together' all the time—or never falling short.  It's simply to allow my strength to show up through your weaknesses."

I thought about the men from the Olympic hockey team and remembered what made it a miracle game was they were a bunch of common men that beat a hockey "super power".  None of them would have felt strong in that moment of skating again, and again, and again—but that's what made the strength of the game so awe inspiring.  It was their weaknesses that allowed the victory to be a miracle.  And God's strength and power to get me through these challenges will only be witnessed as a miracle if others know that it's through my extremely weak and common abilities.  I don't have to be strong all the time to show that my God is strong—He is able and will show His strength.  Even if it's through His children's weaknesses.

I find it funny that in a season that God had been teaching me it’s okay to be weak and boast in it to others, that He was also bringing words to me through others of strength and His power over me.  In Ephesians 6 we are told:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."

And a more specific word about the sword of the Spirit came, also found in Ephesians 6:

"And take up the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.  To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints..."

God is so good and so kind and so faithful.  He gives us permission to be weak, because we are—but in Him He makes us strong.  He gave me the freedom to not feel the pressure of having it "together" for the world all the time, but He also has spoken over me again and again and again how much strength He is working in and through me. 

I think the main reason I'm writing all of this down is because I forget.  It's amazing how kind God is in the way that He speaks to us personally and brings such freedom in the moment—only to allow yourself to jump into the same discouragement a couple days later.

God's been speaking to me about Mary "treasuring all these things up in her heart", as He has in the past.  I just believe that we need to store, and hoard, and treasure these sweet moments that He gives us.  We need to remember.  As we treasure we dig a deep well that we can draw from whenever we face a challenge. 

God is so good.  Life can be crazy, but He is constant.  He always shows up.  And I want to treasure all of these sweet times with Him.

Open Doors

If He opens a door are you ready to walk through it or will you slam the door as quickly as you can?  A question asked through the teaching this past Sunday. 

Lately God has been speaking to me a lot about evangelism and sharing His good news.  This Sunday we were taught about readiness and a part of that was a readiness to share the gospel. 

I found myself in the Y locker room Monday after school.  My goal was a short, quick run so that I could get on with everything else I had planned that evening.  As I put my belongings in a locker I overheard a high school girl say that she couldn't wait to be older, but it wasn't until her friend responded with this that my heart broke open wide:

"So you can starve yourself for real?  Well not for real, but you know, so you don't have to hide it anymore?"

In the moment I was shocked.  I couldn't believe that these were the kinds of conversations teenage girls were having in a public Y locker room.  Even after all the tender words that God had whispered to me about sharing His good news, after a powerful reminder to walk in readiness to share God's heart for His people, I missed it. 

I walked out of the locker room and went on with my day.  Later I realized I had slammed the door.  God had put me there at that moment to hear those girls with so much shame and hurt and I did nothing. 

We all fall short of the glory of God and I definitely fell short.  Thankfully God forgives us—even when we miss it big. 

Like Shawn Bolz says in “Translating God”:

“God isn’t looking at our current weakness or lack of righteousness as a disqualifier, but he sees what we would be like if we followed him with our whole heart and loves us that way.”

Thank the Lord!  Even when I find rest in being forgiven I want to learn—I want to grow.  I want to leave this situation with a burning passion to not miss another door.  To have my eyes wide open to see. 

David tells us in Psalm 16:

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

He is making known to us the path of life.  Even in seasons of waiting when we feel that we don't know up from down and we can't see the next step, He has a path set before us. 

As I looked out the window I saw a gust of wind blow snow off the roof and suddenly it had direction.  Wind is something that we have faith it's there even when we can't see it.  In a moment the wind carried the snow and it had shape.  I could see the wind.  I believe that God is blowing shape into every avenue of our lives.  In His perfect timing He is giving vision to see the unseen path set before us.  Just like the wind, we need to have faith that His plan is always there and that He will give shape to it at the perfect moment.

His direction and the path of life include people that need to hear the good news!  I want to have eyes to see who He is putting in my path. 

Shawn Bolz also says:

"...discernment is merely a conversation starter...you cannot stay at your starting point.  God has given you discernment so you can pray and get his spiritual perspective...For everything you discern, there is a deeper, more original thought about it in God's heart."

In all honesty I have no idea what I would have said to the girls in the locker room, but I guarantee if I had had the readiness to seek beyond my own discernment, God knew what He wanted to say.  He provided a door and He was ready to share His heart. 

I am one member of His body, and this is definitely an area that I have fallen short—but I don't believe I'm the only one.  I think God wants His church to wake up to the people He is placing in our path, because He is placing them there!  He is revealing to each of us every step of the path of life in His timing and for His purposes.

I want to be able to say like David did in the very next Psalm (17):

"My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped."

Let's seek to see and then listen to hear.  Seek to see the path and the people before you and don't forget to listen to hear His heart for His people.  We are messengers and He is ready to use messengers that are open vessels to what He has to say. 

Are we ready for the open doors?  Because they are coming—Praise the Lord, open doors are coming!

Fan the Flame

"If you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all."  Isaiah 7:9b

I hear God reminding us that He is so much greater than any issue, any struggle, and any circumstance.  I've felt called to pray for seemingly impossible global issues.  Broken situations saturated in evil—issues as big as the sex trade, child abuse, and abortion.   They all seem like untouchable issues that desperately need to be tackled, but God just simply asks "Do you have faith?  Do you have faith in me, the King of kings and Lord of lords?  Do you have faith in my redemptive power?  Do you have faith in my word and what I have promised?"

He wants His children to be bold in prayer.  To not be afraid to "go there" in our requests to Him.  He is not exhausted by the thought of battling for freedom from sex trafficking.  He is not exhausted by persistent pleading.  He is not exhausted by the mess that the world and our sin nature are so good at creating.

I feel God stirring up His body to pray bold prayers, to walk in extreme obedience, and to find unimaginable joy.  When I have gathered with other members of His body lately I keep hearing Him stir up praise as a reminder of His heart reflected in this verse:

"I am reminded of your sincere faith...For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."  2 Timothy 1:5-6

Because He has and is training us in faith He is leading us through a season of reminding us to fan the flame within us.  To walk in the power of the Spirit—to walk boldly, seeking His direction.  He has allowed members of His body to walk through extreme and real trials in this life.  He has expressed His compassion for them, His desire for them to persevere and walk obediently, and to do so with a joy that can only be found in Him.

These trials and lessons are not without purpose.  God wants His children to be firm—and if we aren't firm in faith we will not be firm in anything.

These lessons are not for bottling up.  For keeping in a neat and tidy box that we can pull out when we meet in buildings on Sunday's with a room full of believers.  I feel God stirring up His purpose.

He says:

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do.  But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me."  2 Timothy 1:8-12

 

There is a broken and hurting world that is experiencing the same aches that we are facing—without a Victor.  God is stirring up such joy and praise in His body—people are going to notice!  The world is going to see a joy that is unimaginable given the circumstances we have or are still facing.  God's purpose is not only for it to be evident in how we live, but He wants us to boldly proclaim what He has freely gifted us!

He is stirring up His body for something so much greater than the freedom we get to experience as individuals.  He is calling us to be His workers—to go out and be vessels filled and equipped by Him to build His kingdom.

He tells us:

"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him...Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.

Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel, for which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal.  But the word of God is not bound!  Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.  The saying is trustworthy, for:

If we have died with him, we will also live with him;

if we endure, we will also reign with him;

if we deny him, he also will deny us;

if we are faithless, he remains faithful—

 

for he cannot deny himself." 2 Timothy 2:3-4, 7-13

He has equipped and is equipping you, His child, to go boldly proclaiming the testimony of what He has done and what He continues to do.  Remember that gift He has been training you to fan into flame?  Yeah, His Holy Spirit dwelling inside you?  He cannot deny Himself!  No matter what—under any circumstance—any suffering we may face—He is faithfully walking with you through it all.

We are not called to have a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-control.  Let us not fear sharing the greatest news that has ever come to us!  Let us be stirred up in praise, obedience, and joy with a heart set on chasing the purpose of God!

There are people ready to hear the news.  There are people waiting to hear that there is redemption from the pain and suffering that they are experiencing.  He allows us to be the bearers of the best news that could ever collide with the pain of this world!  He allows us to shine a light into the darkness.  He allows us to share in suffering and see the fruit of His Spirit redeeming even the most challenging circumstances.

Are we ready for it?  Are we ready to walk boldly, confidently, intently pressing into Him listening for His prompting?  Are we firm in the faith that He is as mighty and powerful as He says He is? 

Let the stirring of your heart welling up to praise overflow into the rest of your life—not just Sunday's, not just with other members of the body of Christ, but beyond that.  Flooding through the streets of your city, proclaiming the joy, excitement, and healing power that you've experienced.  I want to see it catch like wild fire!  He can do it.  He wants to do it.  He will do it.  The question is are we going to be a part of it?