A Redemption Story

God is so faithful and kind.  The past couple of weeks have been a whirl-wind.  Getting married, going on a week-long vacation, and coming home to a very different (beautiful, fun, exciting, filled with laughter) life.  Now things have finally settled down enough to just sit in the presence of God and process what has happened.  And what came flowing onto my journal page (spoken to God) Monday morning was this:

"I'm reminded of my water baptism when I think of my wedding day.  I picked the place out of convenience mostly, but you had so much more for me.  You are so kind and you know what we need far better than we ever could.  At Center Lake I was dipped back in the water that I had swam as a kid.  The place where I had encountered you more than ever before.  I came up professing who you are—the past laid to rest.  You are so kind.  I didn't realize how much the place would touch me until walking through Vision and Commitment (a biblical foundations course through my church) and really meditating on it.  Thank you, Lord, that you mark places and times and people.  You have set aside where we need to be, when we need to be there, and you're even kind enough to call people out and change their name.  You give new purpose, new direction..."

And now a little back tracking...

When I was a baby, I was sprinkle baptized.  I am so thankful that from a very young age my parents wanted to teach me of the things of God and how much He loves me.  As I grew and heard God's voice for myself, I knew that I wanted to be baptized as a professing follower of Christ.  I just wasn't sure where, or when.  My beautiful friend at camp mentioned that she longed to be baptized in the water of Center Lake and I quickly said that I would join her.

It wasn't until a couple of years later that I realized just how significant the place and the time were.  God knows what we need far better than we ever could!

Fast forward to planning our wedding.  We planned quickly after getting engaged.  It felt like we had everything pretty well laid out within the first month of engagement.  And then: COVID.

We waited as long as we could, but right around when invitations should go out in May the governor extended the stay at home order and there was still no promise of a specific time that any number of people would be allowed to gather together.  We knew that it was time to make a decision.

Knowing that we would potentially be forced to reschedule if we went through a venue, I started to think of where we could have our wedding with an intimate group of people and be as flexible as we needed to be up until the very day we got married.  My grandparents' house came to mind as I thought of their beautiful lawn, front porch, fields and forests behind their house, and big garage/barn.  It seemed perfect.  Beautiful, convenient, and private.

We started planning.

It wasn't until the last few days before the wedding and after that I had revelation on how impactful the place and the time were.  God is so good.  He had a plan all along and He redeemed every change we had to make due to COVID.

Like most weddings, me and my girls spent the whole morning preparing for the wedding—and the guys spent time eating and playing games. :) When it was finally time to go to my grandparents' house, I was able to walk out their front door, across the beautiful front porch, and into the front lawn to tap on my groom's shoulder.  God was so kind to save such a faithful, steadfast, servant-hearted, fun man that looked at me like that.  

It wasn't until later that I remembered my grandpa bending down in that same spot, picking up an acorn cap, and teaching me how to whistle through it.

We decided to have our ceremony in front of a little apple tree in the back yard, with beautiful lawn leading up to it, and a climbing rose vine in the background.  My kind, faithful, hardworking, generous dad walked me down that aisle.  He has protected me, cared for me, rooted for me, and been there for me every day of my life.  He wouldn't hand me off to anyone unless he knew their character was unwavering.  Thank you, Jesus, for two men that stand in the breach for me.  Who love me with your love and believe in me more than just about anyone.

Our officiant and friend welcomed everyone and reminded Seth and me that it was in our pursuit of Jesus that He brought us to one another.  We were able to praise the Lord in worship for what He has done, right there in the middle of the backyard with some of our closest friends and family.  Seth and I took communion praising the Lord for the salvation that can only come from Him and that we are able to love because He first loved us.  And then right there, with the absolute best guy staring back at me, we committed ourselves to one another in a covenant with the Lord.  Husband and wife.  The two become one.  Praise God!  Thank you, Jesus!

Later in the week as I thought back on the beauty of the day, I remembered picking the currant bushes just to the right of our ceremony spot with my brother over and over again as kids.

As it was time to have the first dance with my guy, we walked into the barn.  "Dancing shoes" started playing and he twirled me around, exchanging looks, jokes, and laughter.  

Part of my childhood was spent rollerblading around that big garage/barn for hours in that very same spot.  

As Seth was dancing with his mother, I realized we hadn't grabbed anything to cut the cake and sent my mom on a quick, wild goose chase in the house.  She came back right on time and said to me with a twinkle in her eye, "Janie, look!"  She handed me the cake knife that had the names "Bill and Ann Beach" and the date"6/20/59" engraved on it.  It was the knife my grandparents used to cut their wedding cake 61 years ago, in the very pictures I had on display for all to see.  

 

The evening went on and it was time for us to go on our "golden hour" photo shoot.  We walked back to the start of beautiful trails and fields on the edge of my grandparents' property.  Seth and I smiled a lot, got swarmed by bugs, and walked hand in hand all over the property.  

I remembered cross country skiing those trails with my grandparents—fighting the whole time just to keep up with them. 

Just like that it was time to leave.  We got in the Ford Taurus I had bought from my grandparents and peeled out of the driveway they had come in and out of so often over their 58 years of marriage.  Serving others, one another, and fighting to be kingdom builders in any way that they could.

All of these little memories didn't add any more significance to the covenant that God was so faithful to seal between Seth, me and Him.  They didn't make it any more "real".  The truth was at the end of the day we would have been married and entered into it with the Creator of the universe whether we had changed places or not.  

But, God.  He gave such special little snap shots into the legacy of another long, happy, steadfast marriage.  He reminded me of where I came from and just as my best friend/mom said in the kindest wedding speech, He reminded me of His providence.  He is the redeeming God.  COVID has no share.  My God is greater!  He is so kind and faithful to bring beauty from ashes.  Life from death.  He is living and He is speaking.  He is for you.  Smack dab in the middle of wherever you find yourself.

It was already so miraculous that I got to marry my Forester—a guy that is almost too good to be true.  God added such sweet and tender moments to this day, because He could.  Because He loves me.  Because He knows me.  

I just believe He is speaking this verse to us:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:1-2

God was so faithful to remind me of the great cloud of witnesses surrounding us as Seth and I started to run this race together hand in hand.  He was kind enough to bring such a tender moment of remembering Him and what He did on the cross as we took communion.  I just believe that He wants this revelation for you too.  Whether you are experiencing it for the first time or need to be refreshed in that first love you once felt.  

He is the redeeming God and He is for you.

A Wrestle With Healthy Fear

"Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth!  I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us.  We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done." Psalm 78:1-4

Peering into the Grand Canyon all I could think about was the majesty of God.  As we showed up and started walking around the south rim, we saw a trail that started to descend down into the canyon.  We quickly came up with the plan to walk towards the trail and hike part of the way down into the canyon before we left for our next planned adventure of the day.  We walked for a good hour and half and still weren't even close to that trail.  When we started it looked like we might walk for half an hour or so and be able to start down into the canyon.  It was just so big.  You could see everything with amazing clarity--open skies led to a wide open canyon, but it just kept going--nothing was quite as close as it seemed.

You could see the physical layers of the rocks like stripes cascading horizontally all around, one on top of the other for miles.  Different colors and thicknesses, in my mind, marking different seasons and different stories.  What had happened to make that layer so red?  Why was that layer resembling the Sherwin Williams shade of "biscuit" (now up in our kitchen walls) so thick?  Why was there vegetation in that part of the canyon, but not the other?

I thought about the flood recorded in the Bible.  That there was enough water on the face of the earth to completely cover and carve this canyon and all the amazing, miraculous mountains we had seen that week leading into this moment at the grandest canyon of them all.

As Christians we know there is bad news to our remembering.  What brought the flood was sin.  God had righteous wrath and completely submerged the earth in water.  In His mercy he spoke to Noah about building an ark.  Just like in Psalm 78 it says "I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us."  It was in wrath that God covered the earth.  And it was righteous.  It should be a part of our remembering.  So much of the time we are afraid to speak truth because of how we perceive it might make people feel.  Looking out at that canyon, as vast and complex as the creation itself seemed, the message I heard from God was quite simple, but honestly one that I had to wrestle with to hear clearly.  The wrestling came with another word that I had heard from Him fairly recently.

A little over a month ago I had a vivid dream.  I rarely remember my dreams so when I do I pay attention.  I ask the Lord about them and see what He has to say.  This one went like this:

I was having a camp fire in the woods with a couple of other people.  One of them tried to start another fire close by, right under a massive pine tree--the tree caught.  The fire jumped up the whole tree in a matter of seconds and caught the neighboring tree it was touching--just like that there was a raging forest fire and we had to start running.  It was consuming everything in its midst.

And just like that I woke up.  At first I wasn't sure if it had to do with the enemy and the spread of coronavirus or what.  I just kept hearing "consuming fire".  I looked up passages when "consuming fire" has come up in scripture.

The thing is--it always talks about God's wrath.  I hope you hear my heart in this--I have been wrestling with understanding the fear of God and His righteous wrath against sin.  I want to hear God clearly as He speaks about it.  He always speaks truth, but He always speaks it in love.  He wants us to understand His anger so that we can fully understand His grace and mercy.  We are told:

"Take care, lest you forget the covenant of the Lord your God, which he made with you, and make a carved image, the form of anything that the Lord your God has forbidden you.  For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

'When you father children and children's children, and have grown old in the land, if you act corruptly by making a carved image in the form of anything, and by doing what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, so as to provoke him to anger, I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that you will soon utterly perish from the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.  You will not live long in it, but will be utterly destroyed.  And the Lord will scatter you among the peoples, and you will be left few in number among the nations where the Lord will derive you.  And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell.

But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.  When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice.  For the Lord your God is a merciful God.  He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.'"  Deuteronomy 4:23-31

This passage starts so heavy and a lot of the time we want to pass through the hard stuff to the "fluffier" stuff.  I just believe it's time for us to ask ourselves about how we fear the Lord and honestly to remember that He is a righteous and holy God.  When we understand the fear of the Lord we start to understand the weight of what He has done for us and it is such good, miraculous news.  Like we are told in Psalm 85:

"Lord, you were favorable to your land; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.  You forgave the iniquity of your people; you covered all their sin.  You withdrew all your wrath; you turned from your hot anger." vs. 1-3

His anger is righteous, but He forgives, He withdraws His wrath, and He turns from His hot anger.  He has covered all His children's sin, just like the water covered the earth.  Because He loves us!  It goes on to say:

"Restore us again, O God of our salvation, and put away your indignation toward us!  Will you be angry with us forever?  Will you prolong your anger to all generations?  Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?  Show us your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation." Vs. 4-7

Sometimes I think we forget how honest we can be with God.  Even about His anger and the deepest desires of our hearts.  More from this passage:

"Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints; but let them not turn back to folly.  Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, that glory may dwell in our land." Vs. 8-9

He will speak.  Are we seeking His voice?  It is a request in this passage--let me hear--
God, please, let us hear! 

There is even more good news in this passage:

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.  Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky.  Yes, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase.  Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way." vs. 10-13

When I looked out at the canyon I knew that God had something He wanted to say, but honestly it was something I had to wrestle with.  It's not that it was overly complex, because God is kind to keep it pretty simple for us.  I just want to hear Him clearly.  I want to express His heart about His anger, grace, and mercy in a way that honors and glorifies Him.  What I heard was this:

"You have to understand the full depravity of where you have been to understand my mercy and grace for you in this moment.  Each layer laid on the map of your life before you knew me was stained in sin.  I am jealous for you.  But it's the waters of my grace that can flow and change the topography of your life in a moment.  Lean into knowing me, experiencing me.  Don't rely on simply hearing from other people what I have to say, but press in to hear me for yourself.  I am speaking to you.  Each layer in your life doesn't need to plague your thoughts as sin anymore, but a reminder of the love I have for you and what I have done for you.  I love you.  I came for you.  I'm speaking to you.  I will never stop pursuing your heart, but you have got to press into knowing me for yourself.  I am worthy of your fear.  I am a jealous God.  It's when you repent, when my Son's blood has completely covered you and washed you clean, that I turn my hot anger from you.  This I promise to you.  My children fear me and through their healthy fear, understand my grace for them.  It is all because I love you."

It's ingrained in us from the time of childhood that fear is bad.  The time that you woke up with a racing heart from a nightmare or maybe when a sibling jumped out and scared you.  But the truth is this: fear of the Lord brings wisdom.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.  His praise endures forever!" Psalm 111:10

I just believe it's time that we don't skip past the heavy stuff to something that feels a little more palatable to us.  The Lord is a gracious and loving God, but He is worthy of our fear.  Our real fear.

Children should have a healthy fear of getting in trouble by their earthly Father.  The Lord has placed these men as head of the house and if a child does wrong it is okay that they are scared of the consequence that comes from disappointing their father.  That doesn't mean they don't still feel extreme love and grace come flowing from their father's heart.  Being intimate and having a relationship with your earthly father should hold a level of fear that we don't necessarily have with other people.  What a beautiful picture of what it means to have a relationship with the Lord.

Our heavenly Father is awesome.  He spoke the earth into creation.  He covered the earth in rain.  He is a consuming fire.  When we understand and actually start to feel fear of Him we have revelation on how mighty His love and forgiveness is.

The God who brought the rain is the same God we worship now.  He loves you more than you will ever be able to comprehend.  My question is simply this:

Do we, do I, fear Him in the way that He so deserves--in the way that He is so worthy of?

Easter Sunday Word

Worshiping the Lord this morning He brought to my mind the way that I have had to relentlessly pursue families from school in this season.  The goal is to hear from every family every week for the remainder of the school year.  It has been frustrating and hard.  Many messages, emails, phone calls, voicemails, and even letters have gone out and I still haven't heard from multiple families.  It's tiring and I start to ask why in the world I need to jump through so many hoops for these people who don't seem to care, and then I heard the voice of the Lord.

"I'm chasing after you, but you have to turn and look at me.  You have to stop running to what the world tells you is good and look at my face.

My resurrection power is not what the world tells you it should look like.  Its fierce and true, and its in my timing, in my way.  I've been chasing you.  I've been calling to you, but you have to turn.  Some of you think you're running with me, but you haven't stopped to look and see where I have taken you in this.  My child, running with me is looking at me.  Don't just yell my name and run forward without the direction of my face leading you. 

Repentance is part of the action I am calling you to.  Repenting is stopping, looking at me, and falling back into step with where I am taking you.  This is a season of repentance and a re-centering of your life on me.  I love you.  I want more for you than you could ever know or imagine--so stop the empty movement and just look at me.  There is direction for your life coming in a season where it feels like there is no direction at all.  I love you my child," says God.

There are families that contacted me before I ever had the chance to pursue them.  There are families that responded after one message from me, some after two, and so on.  Then there are the families that have yet to respond. 

I just believe that there are people in the church who immediately went to Jesus with everything in this season.  All of their fears, ambitions, all of their faith and hope, everything.  They immediately found that their whole heart was resting in Jesus and it propelled them forward in movement.  In serving.  In praying.  In battling through this season.

There are the people in the church who first were distracted by the noise of the world and then they heard the call of the Lord and they turned.  They re-centered and now they are faithfully looking to Jesus and following His steps forward.

But I believe there are still people--even within the church--that are running without the step of re-centering their eyes on Jesus.  They're moving and it might even seem "good".  They may be serving, and praying, and doing all the right things, but God is saying "Look at me in your serving.  Look at me in your praying.  Look at me in this season and fall into step with me."

He is the resurrecting God and I believe on this resurrection Sunday He is speaking clearly to His children.  He wants to be intimate with you this morning.  He wants to direct you forward, but it starts with actively stopping and turning to Him.

Remembering

With the school closures and "social distancing" I have spent a lot of time painting in my house.  A task that allows my mind to wander and a "pressing in" to happen.  As I slapped on thick white brush strokes around the doorways, the thought of the Passover struck me.  Of imagining what it was like to use those strokes of bright red to visually show a setting apart of your family from the world around you.  I thought about how God commanded His people that night to set themselves apart and then simply rest in that place. 

Once they had done that, it was God who performed miracles.  He was the one that set His people free from Egypt.  It wasn't in a way His children would have ever imagined--witnessing plague after plague first, but He did it.  He freed His people in power and showed the world that He is mightier than any plague that could ever spread through the earth.  We are told in Exodus 12:

"Tell all the congregation of Israel that on the tenth day of this month every man shall take a lamb according to their father's houses, a lamb for a household...Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male a year old...and you shall keep it until the fourteenth day of this month, when the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill their lambs at twilight.

Then they shall take some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses in which they eat it...

For I will pass through the land of Egypt that night, and I will strike all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both men and beast; and on all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgements: I am the Lord.  The blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you are.  And when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and no plague will befall you to destroy you, when I strike the land of Egypt."  Verses 3, 5a, 6-7, 12-13

As I put that white paint over my doorway I thought about the Israelites covering theirs in thick, red blood.  When God saw it--when He saw the blood of a sacrifice over each doorway--He passed over it.  He remembered His promise to His people and He kept it. 

And in that moment my heart flooded with a "remembering":

The blood that covers me?  That protects me and sets me apart?  You might not see it, but its there.  It's Jesus.  Jesus Christ came and shed His blood, poured out His heart, so that He could purify ours.  Those red strokes around the doors of our hearts turn white as snow.  He has made a promise to His children. 

The truth is, my heart was sin-soaked.  Black and dead, but He poured new life.  He transformed me from the inside out and He's still in the transforming business. 

Everything around us in this season feels so shaky--so uncertain.  The truth is when the Lord of lords and King of kinds stepped down from His thrown in heaven and walked this sin-stained world there was no uncertainty.  He had set it in His heart to face the cross for me.  For you.  Jesus Christ the unblemished lamb laid down His life as a sacrifice once for all.  As a setting apart for His children.  He covers us in His blood and eternal death passes over us.  We are all in need of a savior.  We are all in need of The Savior.  Let this be a season of remembering. 

"Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God.  Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.  We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat.  For the bodies of those animals whose blood is brought into the holy places by the high priest as a sacrifice for sin are burned outside the camp.  So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear reproach he endured.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.  Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.  Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." Hebrews 13: 7-16

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.   

All promises.  All declarations of truth.  Declarations of hope.  Let us press into what is true in this season.  And let us remember what is commanded of us--even through circumstances where we might not always "feel" like it: Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.  Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

After the first Passover in Egypt God commanded His people to continue to hold Passover--it became a holiday and a time of remembering what God had done to free His people.  In Exodus 12 we are told:

"You shall observe this rite as a statute for you and for your sons forever.  And when you come to the land that the Lord will give you, as he has promised, you shall keep this service.  And when your children say to you, 'What do you mean by this service?' you shall say, 'It is the sacrifice of the Lord's Passover, for he passed over the houses of the people of Israel in Egypt, when he struck the Egyptians but spared our houses.'  And the people bowed their heads and worshiped.  

Then the people of Israel went and did so; as the Lord had commanded Moses and Aaron, so they did." Verses 24-28

I just wonder what we are allowing to mark us in this season of social distancing.  This season of extreme health consciousness.  This season of realizing that we truly don't have control of what happens around us.  When future generations ask us about that time the world shut down from COVID-19 what will we tell them?  How will we mark all of the things God is surly doing around the world?  Will children remember this as a time their family unified or as a time of panic?  

I just believe with my whole heart that God is working in the midst of this.  That we will hear story after story of miracles.  

I believe that God wants to tell His children, "I have marked you.  You are set apart.  When I look at you I see the blood of The Lamb.  The blood of my Son poured out for you.  Hold fast to the truth that I am moving in this.  That I am near and I am speaking to you.  I want you to find rest.  To worship.  To help those that you can.  And to know that I am working."

God is so kind.  He is so faithful.  Press into Him in this season.  If you have never truly met Jesus, this could be the season you remember as the time Jesus brought your heart to life.  The time that you actually knew real hope for the first time.  Seek and you will find Him.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.  And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor (meaning trouble) a door of hope.  And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt." Hosea 2:14-15

I will...make the Valley of Trouble a door of hope.

These thick brush strokes of white paint over my door remind me that the Lord is turning this Valley of Trouble into a door of hope.  Hold fast to what He is reminding you of in this season.