Heart Healing

At a Center Lake Bible Camp staff reunion we were recently asked this question: how did Jesus do His ministry.  How did Jesus do His ministry?  One of the things the Lord has revealed to me about ministry through my time at camp is this: you have a choice of where you’re going to fix your focus.  Time and time again I see kids come to camp with behavior “problems”.  It may come in the form of running away, defiance, fighting, or even the refusal to eat.  I think we can all agree that these expressions are frustrating.  This is where the choice comes in.  We can spend the precious week we have with these aching kiddos by cracking down on the behavior and trying to force change or we can look at the heart issue.  We can pray and invite Jesus to heal the much deeper problem at hand.  Because that’s just it, Jesus was/is always focused on the heart, and when healing takes place at the root problem you see the real transformation of the outward expressions or behavioral “problems”.  

I think one of the greatest pictures of this is found in Luke 5:

“17 On one of those days, as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there, who had come from every village of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with him to heal.  18 And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, 19 but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus.  20 And when he saw their faith, he said, ‘Man, your sins are forgiven you.’  21 And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, ‘Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?’  22 When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, ‘Why do you question in your hearts?  23 Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’?  24 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’—he said to the man who was paralyzed—‘I say to you, rise, pick up your bed and go home.’  25 And immediately he rose up before them and picked up what he had been lying on and went home, glorifying God.  26 And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, ‘We have seen extraordinary things today.’”

I think we tend to put an emphasis on the physical healing of outward expressions, but Jesus came to heal the heart.  He came to wage war on sin and He won.  This passage doesn’t put a lot of focus on the paralytic’s response to Jesus healing him—but I have to believe that the real freedom came not when he got up to walk, but when the weight of every evil word, thought, and deed was taken from him.  That’s freedom.  That’s weightlessness.  That’s true mobility.  The power and freedom that can only come from being washed clean—given new and everlasting life.  An eternity of moving and dancing and praising the King of kings and Lord of lords.  Clearly Jesus is faithful to heal physical ailments and outward expressions of inward brokenness—but I’ve just been challenged to ask myself where are you fixing your focus?  

Here’s the real kicker.  I think it becomes easy to see when we are focusing on someone else’s outward expressions instead of asking Jesus to come and heal their inward brokenness—which is always the root problem.  But, what about our own?  What about all the times we get so frustrated that our mind still goes back to that place?  Or we are still fighting that addiction, that bitterness, that jealousy?  This morning I was asking God to search my heart and lead me to repentance and He was faithful to do that.  Lately, I have been fighting against distractedness and longing for change.  My game plan was to focus on scripture memorization when my mind started to wander that direction—which sounded like a pretty good plan to me—until I asked God more about it.  He met me in that moment and this is what came flowing out of my pen and onto my journal:

“Lord I pray that you would search my heart and reveal to me if there be any grievous way in me.  Lead me to complete repentance and draw me closer to you. 

Lord, I confess to you that I have been living in dreamland and as a result have been living in jealousy.  But just like a child at camp when we become so focused on fixing the behavior ‘problem’ we forget to look at the roots.  Why are they acting this way?  What is the cause?  Jesus always looked at the heart.  You always saw a behavior problem for what is was—a deeper heart issue—and that’s what you wanted to heal.  That’s the bondage you want to free us from.  I confess to you that I have fallen into a trap of trying to ‘fix’ the outward expression of an inward sin issue.  Lord, I think my real confession needs to be that I haven’t been giving myself over to your sovereignty and trusting in your providence.  I’ve been worried that my future is not going to look exactly how I want it to and instead of bringing my heart/sin issue of lacking to trust your goodness and your plan I’ve been giving myself whiplash—every time my mind goes to picturing the perfect future I try to crank my focus the other direction.  I try to stop the trail of thoughts dead in their tracks and the worst part is I try to do it in my own strength.  I have been denying you a heart open to you healing the root problem—just like all those times at camp when we try to bandage the superficial wound instead of laying the deep heart wound at your feet.”

God wants to heal completely, not bandage for now.  I think we can be so hard on ourselves for continually going back to a mindset, to an idol, to an addiction—but what would happen if instead of focusing on all the changes that need to be made we asked for healing from The One who can change all things.  The One who came to heal and did.  The only One who has the power to rewrite, restore, and redeem.  I have been challenged to stop trying to change behavior and instead to lay the problem at Jesus’ feet, humbly asking to be healed.  God is speaking to me and my prayer is that He would be speaking to you too.  What is the deep heart issue you are longing to be freed from?  Jesus is faithful to heal.  

A Shepherd Worth Following

If we're all being honest we are rebels at heart.  Even the people who seemingly have their lives "together" or tend to be non-confrontational.  There is something in us that wants to do everything our own way, to get whatever we want, and in our own timing.  The Lord has been working and speaking in my life of what it is to be obedient, and what the result of our actions are through obedience or disobedience.

But first things first—why should we be obedient?  Who is deserving of our obedience?  I love this image of the greatness and the glory of the Lord found in Isaiah 6:

"1 In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple.  2 Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew.  3 And one called to another and said:

'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;

the whole earth is full of his glory!'

4 And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke.  5 And I said: 'Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!'

6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar.  7 And he touched my mouth and said: 'Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.'"

The Lord is worthy to be followed and praised!  His glory fills the earth.  The foundations of thresholds shake at His voice.  He takes away our guilt—atones for our sins.  He is worthy!  He is worthy of all of our obedience.

It goes on to show the call of Isaiah into a life of obedience to the King of kings and Lord of lords:

"8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?'  Then I said, 'Here I am! Send me.'"

In all honesty it's pretty easy to say "Here I am Lord!  Use me.  Send me!" when you are before the thrown of the Lord as His voice is shaking the thresholds, and He has atoned for your sin.  I mean, duh.  Yeah, Lord, I'll follow you!   I'm here and you seem pretty powerful—sounds great.  Let's do it.  And then it gets interesting when the Lord tells Isaiah what this call he just volunteered for was:

"9 And he said, 'Go, and say to this people:

'Keep on hearing, but do not understand;

keep on seeing, but do not perceive.’

10 Make the heart of this people dull,

and their ears heavy,

and blind their eyes;

lest they see with their eyes,

and hear with their ears,

and understand with their hearts,

and turn and be healed.'"

When I read this, the Lord gave me the image of what Isaiah's call would mean in regards to my own students at school.  It would literally be me standing up before twenty first graders and saying every day, "I'm going to keep teaching you how to read and you will never understand.  Show up, spend your time hearing about it, but never learn it.  Observe how to add and subtract, see the strategies I'm giving you, but never use them.”  And then actually doing it.  Going to school every day, teaching every day, knowing that there would never be any growth.  Not any "aha!" moments.  Never.

Then Isaiah had a big question:

"11 Then I said, 'How long, O Lord?'

And he said:

'Until cities lie waste

without inhabitant,

and houses without people,

and the land is a desolate waste,

12 and the Lord removes people far away,

and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land.

13 And though a tenth remain in it,

it will be burned again,

like a terebinth or an oak,

whose stump remains

when it is felled.'

The holy seed is its stump."

Talk about a long and discouraging road ahead...  But, Isaiah knew that the Lord was worthy to be followed and trusted.  Despite the nature of his calling he walked obediently day by day listening for the Lord and acting. 

As I've been reading through a book, the Lord gave me another powerful image about school—illuminating what God may see when He looks at His children in regards to obedience.  Bear with me as I explain it before judging what exactly my thoughts have been about my kids... ;)

"Here's the funny thing about the Old Testament: 85 percent of it is God saying, 'I'm going to have to kill all of you if you don't quit this.'"- Matt Chandler

And bam.  I had this picture of school (lol) and how on the daily I think "I'm going to lose my mind if you don't quit this."  Seriously, all of you are driving me a little bit crazy when you are disobedient—when you don't follow the rules.  It really does blow my mind when they are given reminder after reminder my kids still choose to walk in disobedience when they clearly know this choice coupled with this choice leads to this consequence.

Then I had to ask myself how many times God has had this thought about me.  "Janie why don't you get it?  Can't you see all of the reminders and callings I've given?  Why do you keep walking in disobedience?  Don't you see that I have so much more for you if you would just step in line with me?  All I'm asking for is one step at a time.  I am faithful and true.  I am the mighty Shepherd and I will guide you always.  Just come follow me—see what I have for you!"

Crap.  I am the disobedient child.  The one that has been given reminder after reminder.  The one that is still wild and infuriating.  And the truth is when my kids in class act in disobedience, they really do miss out on the fun stuff—the good stuff—because they simply can't handle it.

What He has for us is so much greater than we could ever know if we would just dare to follow after Him.  I believe this with my whole heart, but I also believe that sometimes it's temporarily uncomfortable to be obedient to the calling on our lives—as was evident in Isaiah 6.

Sometimes the rewards aren't immediately seen.  Not in the way we would desire.  God says I have this thing for you—this place I want to take you.  If you would just walk in obedience.  That place may not look the exact way we want it to this side of heaven.  It may be hard.  But the truth is, there is no better place to be than smack dab in the will and direction of God.

Hebrews 11 says:

"13 These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  14 For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.  15 If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return.  16 But as it is they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." 

I would much rather feel like an alien of this world seeking after the homeland God has for me, the city He has prepared, than to walk in my own earthly desires.  Obedience is a hard thing, but the Lord is so worthy to be followed and praised along the journey.

God is so good to teach His children and provide images to make us better understand His will.  I am thankful for these tricky lessons He is teaching me in this season.  My hope by writing these lessons down is always that someone may be encouraged by the truths He is illuminating to His body.  What has He been teaching you?  Let’s grow together!  

Step Out to Step In

"Go and tell my servant David, 'thus says the Lord: It is not you who will build me a house to dwell in...When your days are fulfilled to walk with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring after you, one of your own sons, and I will establish his kingdom.  He shall build a house for me, and I will establish his throne forever.  I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son.  I will not take away my steadfast love from him, as I took it from him who was before you, but I will confirm him in my house and in my kingdom forever, and his throne shall be established forever.'" 1 Chronicles 17:4, 11-14

That's quite a calling to have on your life.  To build a dwelling place for the Lord.  Even after direction and the gathering of materials I can't imagine how overwhelming it would have felt to take that first step.  Where to begin?  How to begin?

"'And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought.  If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever.  Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.'" 1Chronicles 28:9-10

"Then David said to Solomon his son, 'Be strong and courageous and do it.  Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.  And behold the divisions of the priests and the Levites for all the service of the house of God; and with you in all the work will be every willing man who has skill for any kind of service; also the officers and all the people will be wholly at your command.'" 1 Chronicles 28:20-21

I think that sometimes the calling on our lives can feel like that.  Completely overwhelming and beyond our own abilities, and it's pretty clear in my own life that they are beyond my abilities!  It has been such a sweet reminder to study 1 Chronicles and see the call on Solomon's life and God's awesome provision throughout the entire process.

David first reminds Solomon to serve the Lord with a whole heart and a willing mind, and that if we seek the Lord He will be found.  This is such a clear reminder to fix our eyes to God and not to the overwhelming journey set before us.  It's when we focus on Him that we start to see one step at a time revealed and can fully lean into His provision.

As David's advice goes on I can't help but think of the Nike slogan, "Just do it!"   I think it was very clear to David how big of a task was set before his son and how wearying it could be.  But I can almost hear him saying desperately, but firmly, "Just do it, Solomon!  Follow God's call for you.  Don't settle for less.  Just do it.  Step out in faith, and step in to what God is calling you to."

So much of the time I can get caught up in the "game plan".  I need to have it all figured out and know exactly what steps to take before I can jump in.  Sometimes I think God just wants us to get up and GO. Just move for Him and He will illuminate one step at a time.  He is faithful and good.  His Spirit is mighty.  He is here.

Solomon's calling was to build a dwelling place for the Lord, while we are His dwelling place.  The Spirit of the Lord has taken up residence in our hearts and you better believe He wants us to step out in faith and step into what the Father is calling us to.  The awesome thing is—His residence in our heart means His power in our walk.  So why in the world do I ever hesitate to step into what He's calling me to?

The Lord is faithful and true.  He is powerful and He will accomplish His mission for our lives.  I'm expectant of an amazing year and I can't wait to see what His Spirit does.

Taking a Praise Pause

This is a culture of do more, work harder, and where success tends to be measured in earthly accomplishment more than anything.  It is so easy to get caught up in the rush.  The noise of the world telling you that your worth is in your schedule and checklists rather than The Creator of the universe.  Sometimes I think we need to stop and take a praise pause.  

Just stop moving.  Rushing.  Going.  And meet The Creator with praise and thanksgiving.  

This has been a summer of daily pouring in to pour it right back out.  I tell you that only because it is very clear to me that any fruit that comes from this summer is completely and totally the Spirit of God moving.  I am so weak, but He is the Almighty.  And I will boast in His strength, because He is good and He is moving and He is powerful.

So, I just want to pause a second and praise Him for some of the things He is visibly doing:

This summer the Lord has provided opportunities to pray over three different former students—all of them I have taught in public schools.  

Time and time again He placed scripture on my heart that needed to be poured into a brother or sister in Christ within the week of meditating on it.

He gifted me with sisters in Christ that at my breaking point let me cry it out, held my hand, and prayed with me.  Always helping to turn my focus back to Him and what He is doing.  

He gave me the outward expression of the inward transformation He has done in my life by my baptism at one of the most special places in my life.

And just this week He gave me the opportunity to counsel for a week.  His Spirit was evident and moved in the lives of these girls.  The things that I had been praying and asking for at the beginning of the week ended up becoming prayers of thanksgiving from the girls at the end of the week.  Exact words that came out of my mouth as a request to God came out of theirs as a praise.  Words that they said were: thank you God for moving this week in a big way, thank you God that we got to see a new side of you, thank you that we are your children, thank you God for drawing us together as a cabin and that we are a family.  One camper said that she had always thought of God as peaceful and gentle but that she had seen a completely different side of Him this week.  Girls that have been coming to camp for years said they learned more this week than they ever had.  And when we came together as a junior high girl's cabin to share testimonies it was a night of celebration.  Not dwelling on every tough thing or turning into a sob fest—but truly thanking God for every good thing He has done.

Notice that I said I wanted to share some things He is visibly doing.  These are just a few ways I have seen Him move this summer.  I didn't write all of them down—and I can guarantee there are far more things that can't be seen.  Seeds planted.  Lives changed.  Hearts turned.  Decisions made.  In the quiet secret places.  

Just like it says in John 21:25, "Now there are also many other things that Jesus did.  Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written."

God is powerful you guys.  He wants to move.  He wants to show himself.  He wants to teach us and stretch us and grow us.  That's the beauty of a relationship with Jesus.  It's not a one moment and done sort of encounter.  It's a journey where He continually asks us, "Do you love me?  No, really.  Do you love me?"  And He commands us, "follow me."  It's a constant journey of Him revealing more, empowering more, and loving more.  It's a relationship, guys, not just one encounter.  It's a lifetime of personal, intimate encounters.  A walk with the King of kings and Lord of lords.  A constant pouring out of His strength, compassion, love, mercy, and every other thing He has to offer.  

Can we stop a second and praise Him!  He is definitely worthy.  This summer has been hard and I'm not going to say otherwise.  But, God, you guys.  He is moving.  His Spirit is evident.  And I want you to hear of His wonders and the things He has done in one person's story over the past few months.  

"Praise the Lord!

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens!

Praise him for his mighty deeds;

praise him according to his excellent greatness!

Praise him with trumpet sound; 

praise him with lute and harp!

Praise him with tambourine and dance;

praise him with strings and pipe!

Praise him with sounding cymbals;

praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!" 

Psalm 150

Rough Around the Edges

It's funny how God works things through His body.  I've found common threads even in the lessons learned among brothers and sisters in Christ.  Again and again this summer I have meditated on a certain verse only to have one of my brothers or sisters bring that exact verse up later—or tell me they are struggling with something that directly relates to the verses I have been trying to soak into my own heart.  It shows God's awesome sovereignty and His desire for community.  

Ironically, this summer the lesson that seems to keep popping up among the body is actually about the body.  How do we strengthen the body of Christ?  Are we focusing on each member’s strengths or weaknesses?  What does encouragement through the body look like?  How do we hold each other accountable?  It has been so powerful to not only wrestle through these questions myself, but to see others do the same alongside one another.  

Community is a blessing from the Lord.  We are not created to have to do this alone.  Blessings are multiplied when you can share them in the body of Christ.  In all honesty, though, sometimes it takes struggle to experience the blessing.  

I'm reminded of Proverbs 27:17: "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."  

I think that to really sharpen one another it takes a lot of wrestling through different topics and struggles together.  Which can be exhausting, and frustrating, and honestly, pretty uncomfortable.  

I have worked at the same camp for four summers now.  I remember telling different counselors in completely different circumstances that "conflict shows you the true heart of a person", in regard to arguments among campers.  And sometimes you get smacked right in the face with your own words.

What does conflict reveal about my own heart?  Would someone see me in conflict and label me as gracious or with a less pleasing description?

Then I have to ask myself what Jesus tells us about conflict and how to resolve problems among the body.  

Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:15-20:

"'If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.  If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.  And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.  Truly, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three are gathered in my name there am I among them.'"  

Jesus didn't say, just let it go.  Bottle it up.  Vent to another person about it.  Get so frustrated you snap at the person.  No.  He wants us to bring it to our brother or sister that we are struggling with.  He wants us to work through it.  He wants us to sharpen one another.  And that's hard.  It's painful.  And like I said earlier, uncomfortable.  

Then Peter comes up to Jesus and asks the most human question for this topic of conversation: "'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  As many as seven times?'" (Vs. 21)

I mean, really.  How human is this question?  I can hear the inward battle: but Jesus, he keeps sinning against me.  He keeps doing the same thing over and over again.  Surely I don't have to keep forgiving!  Give me a number.  How many times?  

And Jesus says: "'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.'" (Vs. 22)

I read an article about this passage and love the way they worded what Jesus meant by His answer.  

"When Jesus responded that forgiveness should be offered four hundred and ninety times, far beyond that which Peter was proposing, it must have stunned the disciples who were listening. Although they had been with Jesus for some time, they were still thinking in the limited terms of the law, rather than in the unlimited terms of grace.

By saying we are to forgive those who sin against us seventy times seven, Jesus was not limiting forgiveness to 490 times, a number that is, for all practical purposes, beyond counting. Christians with forgiving hearts not only do not limit the number of times they forgive; they continue to forgive with as much grace the thousandth time as they do the first time. Christians are only capable of this type of forgiving spirit because the Spirit of God lives within us, and it is He who provides the ability to offer forgiveness over and over, just as God forgives us over and over." -Charles Stanley

His Spirit will provide the ability to offer forgiveness over and over, just as God forgives us over and over.  Powerful.

So, I think that here on earth the body of Christ is a little rough around the edges, because let’s face it—we are a part of the body, and we are far from perfect.  I believe that as we struggle, as we wrestle, as we forgive, we are sharpening one another.  We are strengthening the body.  We are smoothing out those edges and becoming more like Christ.  

I'm not writing about this because I have perfected working through conflict.  I'm actually pretty terrible at it.  It is something that the Lord is working through me right now, but I believe in common threads.  So, maybe this is something we can work through together?  I don't know about you, but I would love to see the body of Christ become more and more like Him—giving us a clearer and broader image of who He is. 

Challenge: let’s not let opportunities (even when we are in conflict) to sharpen one another pass by. 

A Year to Remember

One bottle of ibuprofen (tension headaches are no joke--apparently I am more expressive with my eyebrows than I realized), a dented wall, multiple dandelion bouquets, and countless kindergarten quotes/stories later I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR OF TEACHING.  I have been abundantly blessed this year and it is evident that the Lord has been weaving a testimony of His sovereignty throughout this year.

I remember going to my classroom for the first time, standing on a table (because I could), and dreaming about what this year might be like.  I remember praying that God's power would be evident in my classroom--that there would be a noticeable difference.  I remember trying to envision the best classroom set-up and decoration.  I remember the night before the first day of school hardly getting any sleep.

And even after all that dreaming, preparing, and envisioning there was simply no way to really know what was coming or what this year was going to look like.

It was very clear to me the first short week of school that I had a lot of littles with big needs.  They had big aches, big pains, big anxieties, and big hearts without the maturity and understanding of how to process through all of that.

This was an abnormally challenging class, and I want to say this only because God has moved in amazing and powerful ways.  His testimony is evident throughout this year in my classroom.  I saw my kids get supports that a lot of the time don't happen as early as kindergarten.  I saw families strengthen and come together.  I saw the true aching and breaking hearts of my kids and was able to hold them and whisper encouragement and truth into their ears.

I want to make it abundantly clear that on my own I would not have been able to withstand the challenges of this year.  Not gracefully.  Not joyously.  Most definitely not successfully.  God has revealed His Spirit of strength in a new way to me this year.  He is strong.  He allowed hurtful words, long days, and discouraging incidents to roll off my back.

All along, as I held my kinder babes He was holding me, whispering His encouragement and truth into my aching heart and out of my mouth.

He gave me a love and a passion for my kids, even on our toughest days.  I am weak but He is strong.  Was this year perfect?  Nope.  It wasn't.  I did my fair share of messing up.  But God's grace is always more.  He is at work even in the imperfect.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul.  I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue.  If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.  But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. 

Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!"  

Psalm 66:16-20

Come and hear what he has done for my soul!  Did God need me to fill a void in this classroom?  No.  Was I the best teacher for the job?  Probably not.  But God blessed me throughout this year.  He allowed me to work with these kids, in this circumstance, through these challenges and trials.  Because He called me to this classroom, I cried to Him and praised Him in a way that I, sadly, probably wouldn't have in a different circumstance.  He heard me and attended to my prayer.  I got to see and experience the blessings that came with the added struggles--the added battles of advocating for some kiddos in tough life situations.

He also revealed to me more fully what it means to be a child of God.  It is such a powerful image to be called a child of God and then actually observe children.  The battle waging in us is evident even in five and six year olds.  I could see extreme brokenness as well as strong childlike faith and innocence throughout this year.

God painted such a cool image in my mind through an interaction with one of my littles this school year.  She yelled out, “Silvers!” and took a great big flying leap and wrapped her whole body around me--completely off the ground and trusting me to support her weight. 

Psalm 63:5-8 tells us: “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”

I want to yell out, "Jesus!" and for my soul to cling to the Lord just like this little babe clung to me.  Trusting Him to hold all of my weight, baggage, and burdens.  Knowing that I may not have all the answers of what’s to come but completely trusting Him to carry me exactly where I need to be.  And just like my kiddo told me I want to pledge to Jesus every single day, “I could stick to you all day!” 

To make a long story short: I am blessed.  God is good.  This has been a year to remember. 

Walk by Faith

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  For by it the people of old received their commendation."  Hebrews 11:1-2

Sometimes when I read scripture I like to look up definitions of words--even words that I know and use all the time for a fresh perspective.  Assurance means promise.  Conviction means firmly held belief.  Commendation means praise.  So much of the time through trials or challenges we are told to have faith or keep faith.  I think we can be pros at letting the majesty of what a word really means slip away by throwing it out as a line of "comfort", instead of digging into what it truly means.  So in other words-- faith is the promise of things hoped for, the firmly held belief of things not seen.  For by it the people of old received their praise.

So what does it mean to have faith?  How can we keep faith when (seemingly) everything around us is uncertain, unstable, and unsatisfying?

Hebrews 11 is flowing with story after story of people who faced extreme obstacles and still impacted The Kingdom.  They're the kind of people who can leave me wondering how on earth I can ever live up to a legacy like theirs (the struggle is real with the pit of comparison).  But over and over again, the passage says "By faith".  And because of their faith they received praise.

And then it goes on to say this:

"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.  If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return.  But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city."  Hebrews 11:13-16

Wait, what.  They died not having received the things promised.

"And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect."  Hebrews 11:39-40

They did not receive the gift of eternal life on this earth, therefore they died not having received the promise that is to come.  Jesus is coming back and His promise stands, He just has not returned yet.  They lived by faith, knowing full well that there may have been no reward in this lifetime; their faith allowed them to rest in the truth that their reward was guaranteed in the heavenly places.  And because of this God is not ashamed to be called their God.  AND he has prepared for them a city.  This gets me excited. 

So: faith--the firmly held belief of things not seen.  Where does the strength come from?  The confidence and the assurance?

"Therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:1-2

Jesus.  Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith.  

Look to Jesus!  Look at Him.  Fix your eyes on Him.  He is our strength.  He is our faith.  He is our assurance of things hoped for--our firmly held belief of things not seen.  He is the truth, and the way, and the life.  He surrounds us and evelops us.  He is seated at the right hand of the Father.

"Who is to condemn?  Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us."  Romans 8:34

We serve a God who is not passive but who is doing battle for us right now in the heavenly places.  Jesus hears us and He is interceding for us.  Fix your eyes on Jesus!  By faith.  Live by faith.  Live by Jesus.

A Word Picture

"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
 Psalm 63:5-8

Sometimes when I read scripture I get such a powerful mental picture of the words.  To see it come alive is breathtaking.  When I read "my soul clings to you" I picture a little blonde catapulting through the air wrapping her arms and legs tightly around my trunk, clinging with excitement, trust, love, and expectations. 

A little background: I have a kid who takes flying leaps, wrapping her whole body around me, in the best bear hugs ever.  She yells my name and runs and clings to me.  She's excited to see me, she trusts me, she loves me, and she expects me to be consistent and constant throughout her days of kindergarten.  Is my relationship with this student perfect?  No.  Do I still need to give reminders and sometimes even consequences?  Yes.  But she clings.  In excitement.  And genuine joy to see me. 

I think understanding that you are a child of God brings two powerful revelations.  The first one is it gives you just a tiny glimpse of the love that God has for us.  When I think of my student looking up at me and trusting me it brings me a greater joy than most things do.  And she's not even my child.  The Lord's love for us is vast and constant.  

The other revelation that stands out to me is that we really don't know the big picture.  Just like a happy-go-lucky kindergartener doesn't understand the constant battles it takes to provide for her, care for her, and even educate her.  She doesn't understand the big picture.  She doesn't see all the steps that are going to take her to first grade she just trusts that you're going to get her there.  She clings to you in hope and admiration, projecting a kind of faith that most adults struggle to rest in. 

I desperately want my soul to cling to the Lord just as a child does to an adult they trust and love.  Childlike faith is a real and powerful thing.  When you see the trust and the love shining in little eyes looking up to you--one of the people that is a protector and  caretaker for them--you get such a powerful image of what it means to be a child of God.  We are supposed to be dependent!  We are supposed to cling!  We are supposed to look up in awe and thankfulness for our Shepherd and our Guide.  I want my soul to cling.  I want to take refuge in the shadow of His wings.  And as my kiddo did, maybe even tell Jesus, "I could stick to you all day." 

Common Threads

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth."  Psalm 139:13-15

Did you catch that?  You were intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Every strand of your personality, appearance, attitude, purpose, circumstance, and being were created specifically--specially--uniquely for you.  There is no other person exactly like you.  There never has been, and there never will be.  How AWESOME is this revelation.  I mean, really.  Let it wash over you.

"And God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness."  Genesis 1:26a

I am in awe of the creativity, the passion, and the love that the Lord shows by intricately, uniquely, purposefully knitting together every single person that ever was, is, or is to come.  Then I remember--not only are we created so intimately and personally BUT in His own image.  Our strengths reflect the Creator who intimately designed and wove them into our being!  When we build a community here on earth, not only do we get to experience the diverse beauty of His creation--but we get a broader and fuller picture of who He is.

When I read about David in the Old Testament and how he slays a giant with nothing but a slingshot and a stone, flees from a king pursuing his death, followed by his own son undermining his rule as king I think how could I ever connect with him?  His circumstances are too different, the divide of time is too great.  But then I read his words:

"And I say, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.'"  Psalm 55:6-8

Maybe I don't know what it's like to be David--to be on the run for my life--to be king--to kill Goliath with nothing but a slingshot and a stone.  After all, he was intricately and uniquely woven in the depths of the earth just as I was.  But I believe in common threads.  I believe in common emotions, common thoughts.  I mean, I don't know about you, but I've wanted to fly away on wings like a dove on the regular.  This life is hard and messy.  I find myself reading the words of David and other Biblical brothers and sisters and saying YES, EXACTLY!  I find myself talking to friends and family who are under completely different stages of life--in different circumstances--and different seasons, and feel linked by the bonds of common threads.

I think the Lord is beautiful and mysterious and awesome in that He designed the ability to build community throughout the diversity found in His creation.  And if we are being honest as humans we desire to be different and special--set apart in a way, but we also ache to be understood.  I think God is the master of balancing the weights of our soul.  In a way that we don't even know we crave.

So there it is.

You are woven intricately--uniquely--specially.

You are created in the Creator's image.

You are loved, valued, and understood.

There are common threads.

Find rest knowing that the Lord has created you for this.   Whatever this is!  He hand picked and designed you for this moment, this circumstance.  And maybe no other person is facing the giants that you are...but they have their own brand of giants.  And there is commonality in that.  There are common threads.

Seek God, build that community, and remember that you were.made.for.this.  God has got you.  He has got this.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Rest in the balance of being both one of a kind, and completely understood.

Heaven's Unlikely Weapon

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Behold, the children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!  He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."  Psalm 127

It brings me to tears when I think of the children of my class and this world who feel like a burden.  Like an afterthought in the constant whirlwind of this life.  Who ache for the love and affection of their Heavenly Father, but are never shown that kind of love.

I ache for the kids who are earthly loved and earthly cared for but don't know the consistency and sturdiness of having an eternal house built by the Lord.  Who feel anger, sorrow, confusion, unworthiness, and longing without the ability to process or understand those emotions.  I ache for the kids who are passed off by person after person.  For the kids that are so maddening, frustrating, and INFURIATING.  These are the kids that ache.  That crave something.  That long to feel protected, cherished, and valued.

Pull these kids close to me, God.  Love them through me.  Cherish them through me.  Value them through me.  Let them know that they are sharp, that they have purpose, that they are a mighty arrow in the hand of a warrior.  That they ARE.THE.REWARD.  Thank you for my kids, and the challenges, and the hard days, and the chance to show these kids that they are so worth it.  That blessed is the man who fills his life with them.  Because children are a heritage from the Lord and indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.  (Psalm 16:3)